Tuesday, August 14, 2012

If we see each other again...

I know it's been months since my last post and I was looking for a good way to get back to blogging...
I was hoping for a better topic to write about,
But I have absolutely no idea where I can place my thoughts on this one, so here it goes:

This is me while writing this.

Kapag nagkita ba tayo, magsosorry ka ba talaga?
Kapag nagsorry ka, gagaan na ba ang loob ko?
Kapag nagsorry ka, matutuwid ba lahat ng pagkakamaling ginawa ko dahil sayo?
Kapag nagsorry ka, mababawi ko ba ang isang taong paghabol sayo?
Kapag nagsorry ka, mawawala ba ang lungkot na dinulot mo sa akin sa limang taong pag-iisa ko?
Kapag nagsorry ka, maaayos ko ba lahat ng relasyong nasira ko dahil sa alaala ng ginawa mo?
Kapag nagsorry ka, babalik na ba ang tiwala ko sa mga lalaking nakilala ko pagkatapos mo?
Kapag nagsorry ka, tatama na ba ako sa lalaking mamahalin ko?
Kapag nagsorry ka, mamahalin ko na ba ulit ang sarili ko?

At bakit ngayon mo lang naisipang makipagkita?
Ngayon ka lang ba nakonsensiya?
Kailangan ba talaga nating magkita?
At kung magkikita ba tayo, magsosorry ka ba talaga?

If we see each other again, will you really say sorry?
If you'll say sorry, will I feel better?
If you'll say sorry, will it right all the mistakes I made because of you?
If you'll say sorry, will I get back that year of running after you?
If you'll say sorry, will the sadness that I have felt for the last five years disappear?
If you'll say sorry, will it fix all the relationships I messed up after meeting you?
If you'll say sorry, will it make me trust the men I have met after you?
If you'll say sorry, will I finally love the right man?
If you'll say sorry, will I finally love myself again?

And why did you think if seeing me again just NOW?
Did you suddenly feel guilty?
Do we really have to see each other?
And if we will see each other again, will you really say sorry?

...
After five years... my first real boyfriend decided he wanted to meet me...
To say sorry.
For cheating on me.
With a 15 year old girl.
Who is the classmate of his sister.
And for breaking up with me.
Through text.
And physically hurting me for begging him to come back.

I never thought that you would still have this effect on me.
I thought I have resolved all my issues with you.
I sincerely wish you well..
And hope I never encounter you again in this life.. or the next.
But you asked to meet.
And I actually said yes.

But now you're being a douche for not complying with my request.
I suddenly realized how much I hate you.. for fooling me in the first place.
Who the f*ck are you to play with someone's feelings???
I remember what you told me when you broke up with me...
And made me feel like I was not worthy of real love.

You know what? Fuck off Rhon.
I don't need your sorry.
You need my forgiveness.

And guess what?
I'm broke but I still have more money than you.

...

Yikes. This is not what I imagined to be my next post to be.
This already sounds stupid to me but I'm not taking it down.
I have to be reminded of my stupid actions so I will never do it again.

Have you done anything so intense that it haunts you even until now?
Put your response in the comment section below or tweet me at @maccerpacker :)

I can't wait to write more and give you a more entertaining view of life...
I gots plenty of baon and y'all are gonna love it!

Your ilusyonada,
Maccer

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