Sunday, April 1, 2012

If My Life Was a Movie PART 5!

For part one, click here!
For part two, click here!
For part three, click here!
For part four, click here!

Afer that horrible meeting with Jhon,
I missed Warren a whole lot more.
That night I felt so frustrated with everything that was happening to me
that I almost called Warren.
I didn't even know what I would I say if I called him.
Maybe I was still wishing for my movie to have a happy ending...
Or maybe I was waiting for a fairy tale to come true.
Everything seemed so wrong,
I thought that the fates were laughing at me because of the choices I made.
I fell asleep with a dreadful feeling sinking deeper and deeper inside me.

The next morning,
I woke up with a text from Jhon.
Let me just say, I find it downright disturbing when a 30 year old man still texts with incomplete words and exchanges Z for S.

When I went to work (yes I found a job, but we'll save that for a later blog)
I had to put in so much effort into looking normal,
Because that Wednesday I just wanted to stay in my room, listen to Adele and cry my eyes out until all the self pity goes away.
I was the first one in the office,
And that gave me time to ask my cousin Karen what to do.

After much thought and needed approval from Karen,
I was determined to call Warren... For closure.
I needed to know what happened,
I needed to know what went wrong.
I needed to know so I can stop wondering and get back to having a life.

I immediately bought load so I could call him
And when I did...
there was no signal.

I texted Karen, and she told me to try again.

The rest of the day was rather busy for me
and I was wondering where I could fit in some time to get this emotional hurdle out of my life.
Every hour I would call him, but there was still no signal on his end.

Lunch time came and I needed to attend a couple of seminars in Makati.

When I got there, I saw a really handsome guy who was gonna take the seminar as well.
I sat in front of him, while another unsettling feeling appeared in my stomach.
His girlfriend (I assume) came in the room as welll and they started talking.
I wanted to throw myelf off the window,
If only it wasn't just the third floor and I knew I would survive the crash.
At this point I was just a complete mess.

Around 1:30pm, I mindlessly called Warren and the phone started ringing!
I was immediately on alert,
But then he didn't answer the call.
I called him again.
This time it was busy.
I intented to whisper "FUCK!"
But I think it came out as a defeated shout
Because I felt the couple behind me fell silent.
Believing that third time's the charm, I called him again.
This time he answered.
I felt a ray of sunlight touch my hopeless entity and gave me hope.
It was very noisy on his end...
"Crise, nasa tricycle ako eh, hindi kita maintindihan.. Tawag ka nalang mamaya." (Crise I'm on a tricycle, I can't understand what you're saying.. Call me later.)
I said okay, and goodbye.

I was shaking after that phone call.
I texted Karen what happened, and she told me to call him later.
(If you haven't noticed by now, I haven't trusted my decisions since this whole thing started so now I need approval before I actually do something. :\)
I texed him to just text me when I could call him.
And he replied. "Cge Crise..." (Okay crise...)
Those two words turned that ray of sunshine to an oasis in my desert of despair (pardon the horrible figures of speech.. I'm still out of wits as I write this)

The seminar began and I was all eyes and ears.
My brain was committed as well,
But my heart was somewhere in Negros (his province), looking for him... waiting for him.
As I was listening intently to the seminar,
I felt my phone vibrate and there was Warren's name.. calling me.
I almost jumped off my seat to get out of the room and answer his call.
I even left my bag in the seminar room.

He called me to call him and I did.

That call was one that I will surely never forget.
Warren: kamusta ka naman? may problema ka ba? (How are you? Is something wrong?)
Me: Hindi ko alam... Ikaw may problema ba? (I don't know... Is there something wrong?)
Warren: Wala naman... o kamusta ka na? (None that I know of... How are you?)
Me: Hindi ko rin alam eh... Ikaw kamusta ka na? (I don't know.. How are you?)
Warren: Ahm... Eto, okay naman ako...
Masaya naman ako dito sa amin... (Well, I'm okay here.. Happy at home...)
(deadly awkward silence)
Me: Tapos? (I was suddenly shaking, as if my body was getting me ready to face a great disaster) (And?)
Warren: (almost in a whisper) Nagka girlfriend ako dito... (I just got a girlfriend here...)

Me: Ano? (pretending I didn't hear what he said though tears were falling uncontrollably down my face)
Warren: Nagka girlfriend na ako dito... (I just got a girlfriend here..)
Me: (stuttering, trying to say something)

Warren: Best friend ko siya dito, matagal na kaming magkakilala pero kailan lang naging official..(She's my bestfriend here, we've been very close ever since, but we just became official...)
Me: ah.. okay.. uhm... sige... (At this point I was at the hallway, crying silently but uncontrollably)
Warren: Ah sige bye bye na ha, may gagawin pa ako eh... (Ah okay I have to go now, I still have to do something...)

Me: (OH HELL NO!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME JUST LIKE THAT!!!) Sandali wait. Huwag namang ganun... Sandali lang! Uhm, nakakasama ka ng loob eh... (still crying silently) (Wait. Don't be like that. Wait! Uhm, you hurt me real bad.)
Warren: Huh? Eh para ka namang bata niyan! (Yeah he was almost shouting, like scolding a little kid for breaking a vase) (Huh? Stop acting like a kid!)

Me: (WTF???) Eh bakit naman? Eto nararamdaman ko, hindi mo ako masisisi na ganito ang nararamdaman ko... Pagkatapos ng lahat, biglang hindi ka nagparamdam tapos kinailangan ko pang tawagan ka bago ko nalaman na may girlfriend ka??? (I wasn't shouting, because I my knees were trembling and I thought I was gonna faint) (And why is that? This is what I'm feeling, and you can't blame me for feeling this... After all that happened, you grow silent then I even had to call you before you tell me that you have a girlfriend???)

Warren: Eh magkaibigan parin naman tayo, magkikita parin naman tayo pag nasa Manila ako... (with the Bisaya accent, I couldn't tell if he was rushing to comfort me or in defense of his actions) (But we're still friends... I;m still gonna see you when I come to Manila...)
Me: (I was already dizzy at this point) Hindi naman yun ang pinupunto ko eh... Uhm... I'm happy nga for you eh (LIAR!!!)... (That's not my point.. I'm happy for you even...)

Warren: (With a much more soothing voice) Oh sige sige... Eh kamusta ka naman? Ano ginagawa mo? Asan ka? (Okay, fine... How are you? What are you doing? Where are you?)
Me: Uhm.. Nasa seminar, andito ako sa Makati... (Uhm... I'm at a seminar here in Makati)
Warren: Tapos na ba? (Is it finished?)
Me: Hindi pa eh... (Not yet...)
Warren: (He said in the voice that I heard him with the first time we met) Ah, okay... Sige Crise, may gagawin pa ako eh... Ingat ka ha... (Okay... Crise, I have to go now, okay? Take care...)
Me: Ah sige, ingat ka din... (Ah okay, take care..)
Warren: Sige ha... Bbye... Ingat.. (Okay... Bye... Take care...)
I ended the call before he heard my whimper of defeat.

I rushed to the bathroom which was luckily just a few steps away.
I looked at myself in the mirror, and I could almost see nothing.
I had no idea where I was,
who I was...

I only knew how sad I felt.

I went back to the seminar, and listened until the end.
I was shaking the whole time, but I had to finish it.. I had to attend another one after that.

We had a break in between the seminars so I tried to call everyone who would care.
And since Lady luck is my worst enemy,
Nobody could answer my call (meeting, shoot, another meeting, asleep)
I was suffering on all levels of wrong.
Good thing Karen's brother, Ton texted me after he missed my call.
I called him and out came the tears and the frustrations.
I felt so alone, defeated...
Talking to him gave me some form of release.
While talking to him,
I admitted to also feel a sense of relief...
At least it wasn't me.
At least I didn't do anything wrong.

At one point, I even told Ton that I won't take the bus anymore.
Or any public transportation for that matter.
This whole episode of my life motivated me to buy a car,
Just so I wouldn't have to experience that roller coaster of an emotional ride.

Good thing Karen was also in Makati that night,
And I had dinner with her and some of her friends.
surprisingly, after the crying and the self-pity,
I felt better.
For once, there was a good guy that I fell for.
I was reassured that these kind of men still exist, and they can like someone like me.
Though I am still sad because our short lived romance will never be,
I am relieved to know that I am not that hopeless after all.
If Warren liked me for who I am,
Then someone's bound to like me the way he did...
Hopefuly even more. :)

My good friend Jed said it best:

"Take it as a learning experience... Hindi ka naman magagalit. You also have to consider his side syempre. Hindi ka naman nya niloko, may be really liked you. Fate at this point is on their side. It's not your fault or his. Just thank the opportunity, that someone after a long time, liked you even if you didn't do any favors for him. He simply liked you, and respected you."
(Take it as a learning experience... You shouldn't get mad at him. You also have to consider his side. He didn't cheat on you, and maybe he really liked you. Fate at this point is on their side. It's not your fault or his. Just thank the opportunity, that someone after a long time, liked you even if you didn't do any favors for him. He simply liked you, and respected you.)

Will this be the last part of my movie?
Or should I wait for him to come back to Manila?
Should I greet him on his birthday?
Should we even meet again?
Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements... even if it leads no where?

I really don't know,
and I wish you help me with this one.
Tweet me @maccerpacker your suggestions or comment after the post!

Thank you so much to everyone who have been and still are part of my blog. :)
If you haven't noticed by now, all that I wrote are true...
And while those things have been happening to me,
I also had to balance getting a job, my studies and plenty other things.
I just wanted to get this out of the way, because it was eating up my life.

Now that I found some form of closure and peace,
It's back (hopefully) to more blogs and more updates.

I love you all! And if you don't.. it's okay. I still love you. :)

Your ilusyonada,

Do you wanna know who Warren really is? tweet me or comment on the blog or my Facebook, then I'll show him in my next post. :)

It's his birthday on April 3. what should I do, if I do anything at all? PLEASE HELP!!!!


  1. deadma na sa greeting, move on na te! :D

  2. eto na moving on na! medyo traffic eh... hahaha