Monday, January 2, 2012

It ain't over until the fat lady sings...

I was never this big my whole life.

Friends laugh when I say this, but when I show them my pictures when I was younger, they stop and say...



Well I don't know either. I guess that's part of being an ilusyonada. Up until last year, I really thought the fattest I got was "chubby" or "voluptuous" and not down right morbidly obese. I was a pretty cute kid.

Who wouldn't like a kid like this???

Feeling artista. :)

Growing up, I never really thought about losing weight because when I was a kid, I remember gulping down vitamins after breakfast because I was malnourished. Yep, it's true. I was MALNOURISHED.
This is the fuck I gave.

Fast forward to my teen years I was adding and adding more pounds than I could remember or care. I guess the vitamins worked hyperdrive through adolescence..
It begins. See all the fatssss??? My brothers and me.

During high school, it wasn't that bad, I just felt I was "meatier" than my friends.

Yeah yeah, doon't mind the style. Just the curve. There are curves!!!

Oh gawd. What was I thinking with
this outfit???

Prom came and I wasn't even worried about looking ugly and I think I looked quite alright, despite my quirky color palette of pink and orange. (Check out my picture above.)

College came and people said I looked sexy because of ze boobs. So I let go of the thought that I was fat, just "boobsie". See what I did there? Ilusyonada talaga.
Asian pose FTW

I'm happy that my face doesn't really get bigger even though my waist is as wide as a wall, so most pictures I take are just face pics, or I have people in front of me.
Nobody knew the fat I hid
behind these pics! haha.
Hiding behind my waaaay sexier cousin.

Hiding behind momma that's lost A LOT OF WEIGHT!!!

Later on, more and more people kept on saying, "maganda ka naman, papayat ka lang." (you're beautiful already, you just need to lose weight.) That should have been a blazing warning to me already but noooooo. I had to dwell in my sea of denial.

Seriously Mac, didn't you notice how big you were in this pic???

I browsed on some pictures and realized that while brothers and mother were getting smaller, I was compensating for their lost fat!

My brothers a lot smaller than me. Ugh.

Funny thing was, I was convincing myself that I was just fine, coz no matter how big I get, I still have curves. (yeahright)

Curves. You're doing it wrong. 

I tried losing weight but after 3 days of jogging and getting tired, getting jealous of my brothers eating the yummy food, of buying smaller sized clothes thinking I will fit into them someday, I just gave up.

But now, a promise is a promise. I HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT AND GET HEALTHY!!!

Last time I checked, I was 200 lbs. And that was the start of 2011. Who know how much I weigh now???
I must get the courage to get on the scale so I can know just how much pain I'm going to suffer for this. Haha.


I'm excited about this.l It's like an art project. :)
I hate seeing myself in the mirror so I have no mirror in front of my dresser. I only have a really small one for my face so I won;t see my body. BUY A MIRROR!
I have this space in my walk in closet where I want to put an inspiration board for losing weight. DO IT!

I bought them coz they're pink. Not really for running..

I bought trainers for jogging. USE IT!!!

And finally...
I have actually read these before, but just found them entertaining. TRY TO LEARN MAC!

I bought these books to have better knowledge on what I am about to do. READ IT!

Whew. That's a lot. I'm so pumped up for this, I just hope I get it done right!

My dear friends, if you have any suggestions on what else I should do, please post them in the comment section! I really need all the help I can get so I can finally get healthier. I'd appreciate all kind of comments!

So now it's not to GET THIN. It's to GET HEALTHY. :)

Damn. It's late. Technically it's January 3 already but y'all know I didn't miss a day right? Right? haha.
Off to an early start tomorrow! Hopefully I can start on that jogging bit.

Your ilusyonada,


  1. Mac! I used to be 170lbs nung 2009. Now I'm down to 130lbs. It takes time and effort and discipline. I enrolled myself in the gym (Fitness First) to motivate myself. Dami pang cute sa mga gym! Hahaha. Kaya 'yan! Just try to keep a goal in mind. Now, my goal is by Dec 2012, dapat 110lbs ako! :D Lezzdodis!! :D

  2. Thank you for the advice Inez! I know this is a hard road to travel pero kakayanin ko! You are now one of my thinspirations! :)